


Family bonding time

by Killerfirefly



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chatting & Messaging, Family Bonding, Good Parent Grace Hargreeves, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24802495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killerfirefly/pseuds/Killerfirefly
Summary: Grace created a family group chat for Bonding time but that's too difficult for the Hargreeves family.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 98





	1. welcome

12:00pm  
Grace created a chat  
Grace added Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five, Ben, Vanya  
Grace named the chat “Family bonding time”

Grace: I have noticed that all of my children have been distant from each other, So welcome to family bonding time.

Five: I don't have time for this

Five left Umbrella academy  
Grace added Five  
Grace: sorry to inform you but Number Five but no one will be leaving or something bad may happen

Five: you’re bluffing nothing will happen 

Vanya: you probably shouldn’t have said that

Diego: Yeah mom is pissed

Diego: I just heard a scream is he ok

Klaus: Mom did you kill him

Grace: of course not I’d never kill one of my children he’ll just be unconscious for a few hours

3:33 pm

Klaus: What the Fuck is wrong with this family I need eye bleach

Grace: are you okay

Klaus: why is this family so weird

Grace what happened

Klaus I'd rather not revive it

Five: I regret everything I said Mom was certainly not bluffing

Ben: what did she do

Five: She pulled out a thing called a no yelling sock then placed her hand on my shoulder and I blacked out when I woke up I was in pain

Grace: It's a trick I learned from Star trek except I learned how to make it painful and for the sock, it's just something I've kept over the years but like I said we need more family bonding time now bond. Also, dinner will be ready by 7:30.


	2. ghost boyfriend and school

3:00 pm  
Five: So is no one gonna answer my question as to who let mom watch Star trek.

Luther: It was me

Five: Why the hell would you do that

Luther: She just sat down next to me and started to watch it with me

Five: If she Quotes The original series one more time I’m gonna lose it.

Diego: why did I walk into klaus room to find him talking to himself

Allison: how do you know he wasn't talking to ben

Diego: ben was sitting on the floor and klaus wasn't paying attention to ben

Ben: oh he's talking to dave

Diego: who the hell is dave

Ben: his boyfriend

Diego: his what

Allison: his what

Vanya: his what

Grace: His what

Luther: wait Klaus is gay

Klaus: pansexual actually

Five: is there a fucking reason you're blowing up my phone 

Ben: sorry for interrupting your time with your "wife"

Five: Why did you add quotation marks

Ben: because that's a fucking mannequin 

Five: do you wanna fight ghost boy

Ben: you're going to faze right through me 

Grace: Children don't fight

Five: Fine but can someone tell me why my phone was blowing up

Vanya: Klaus has a ghost boyfriend

Five: that's it

Diego: our brother is dating a fucking ghost and that's all you have to say

Five: he could do worse

Klaus: he's right I could

Diego: what more do I expect from someone married to a mannequin

Five: I swear to GOD if another one of you call Delores a mannequin again I'm going to snap your neck like a fucking twig

Diego: can you even reach our necks

Five: sleep with one eye open Number two

Grace: Children stop arguing with each other. Shouldn't we be happy for your brother?

Vanya: I agree with mom

Allison: same

Luther: This is ridiculous

Ben: at least you don't have to deal with them 

Vanya: Can't you just leave

Ben: don't you think I would if I could

Klaus: with my newly found abilities benny can only go so far before he's can no longer touch things or be visible

Ben: I hate you

Klaus: love you too

3:55 pm

Grace: I've just been informed that Number five will be taken away by child protective services if he doesn't get some sort of schooling

Five: What the hell

Klaus: Ha

Five: Klaus didn't you have to repeat the sixth grade and we were homeschooled 

Klaus: that's not important at the moment

Five: Mom can't I get homeschooled 

Grace: I’ve gotten so old over the years I can’t possibly teach you, my dear child,

Five: Mom, you don’t age

Grace: Fine if I do give you lessons you’ll disappear in the middle of them so you’re going to school.

Five: Mom, please

Grace: Five I said no I’m warning you

Five: Fine

Two days later  
4:00 pm

Luther: what the hell was that noise

Vanya: I just asked Five how his day was and he threw his bag at the wall and yelled I hate everything and he was gone

Klaus: I'm pretty sure he broke a glass with how high his voice squeaked

Five: Shut the hell up klaus

Grace: What even happened 

Five: Sorry can’t answer I’m too busy trying to block out that memory how many more times do I have to go back

Grace: You have four more days until the weekend

Five: Fuck just leave me in my room

Klaus: Aww is fivey going through his emo phase if you need any advice just ask diego and ben they never left their’s

Diego: klaus this is your last warning

Klaus: wat are you gonna do to me throw a knife at me

Grace: Diego How many times do I have to tell you to STOP THROWING KNIVES AT YOUR SIBLINGS BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANOTHER STAB WOUND I’M GOING TO LOSE IT AND YOU’LL BE ON PUNISHMENT DO YOU UNDERSTAND.

Diego: Mom I’m a grown man

Grace: DO.YOU.UNDERSTAND.

Diego: Yes mommy

Grace: Now I try not to yell because it stresses me out if you need me I will stress baking.

Klaus: I don’t think I’ve been more scared of mom than at this moment

Grace: Oh and Klaus I can deal with your wound,


	3. Proud moms

4:50 pm  
Naomi added Grace to “A few proud moms of a few dumbass grown kids”

Darlene: Naomi, who is this and why did you add them to our secret cult

Alexandria: Darlene Your going to scare off the newcomer

Naomi: Grace you can introduce yourself

Darlene: State your name and how many kids you have and we can decide if your worthy or not

Grace: I’m Grace Hargreeves and I have seven children

Alexandria: are you the wife of that Hargeeves billionaire

Grace: I guess you can say that

Darlene: My children loved the umbrella academy 

Alexandria: Mine did too but I thought it was a little dangerous for children to fight crime I mean The horror died and now everyone acts as if that didn’t happen how were you okay with your children constantly being in dangerous

Grace: It was dangerous and if I'm being honest I was worried for my children every time they went on missions but I couldn't do anything. My “husband” was an asshole and I couldn't do anything besides take care of my children, I couldn't even leave the house.

Alexandria: If I couldn't help my kids I don’t know what I’d do

Naomi: me too

Darlene: same

Naomi: change of subject how about we all introduce ourselves I’ll go first. I’m Naomi Byers and I have five children

Darlene: I’m Darlene Parker I have six kids

Alexandria: I’m Alexandria Scott and I have five kids

Darlene: so how did you meet Grace, Naomi meet

Naomi: we were both looking at yogurt when I noticed the locket she had so I complimented her on it and she showed me the picture in the locket and it was a picture of her seven children.

Darlene: That’s so sweet I wish my children were that sweet

Naomi: well have you met your ex-husband

Darlene: Don’t even bring him up I’m so glad he lives thousands of miles away from here

Alexandria: Well I have to go cook dinner

Grace: but it’s only five

Alexandria: Yeah but my sister has this schedule where she eats at six and dinner takes at least an hour to make Anyway bye

Darlene: Yeah I think I’m gonna go and drink wine and watch some news

Grace: Does this mean I can stay.

Darlene: Sure

Grace: I would stay and celebrate but my children are arguing once again

Naomi: bye


	4. A malfunction

Number Five walked behind Grace, trying to focus on anything but the pen that was lodged in his arm. Number five had gotten the amazing idea to show up behind Vanya while she was training her powers when she got startled and threw the pen, accidentally stabbing Five and did it hurt. One minute five was staring at Grace's blonde hair. The next was staring at her body on the floor. Five shrieked.

2:30 pm

Luther: what was that noise

Five: MOM JUST FELL DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS

Diego: WHAT DO YOU MEAN MOM JUST FELL DOWN THE STAIRS

Five: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I MEAN

Diego: YOU LITTLE SHIT

Allison: guys I don’t think now is the time mom just fell down the stairs

Ben: she had a malfunction shes been having them a lot

Vanya: Earlier today she was making tea and she accidentally poured it all over herself 

Klaus: last Week I was talking with Ben and she just collapsed in front of us

Luther: and she's mentioned needing an update. Sit her in the chair on the balcony. She'll be fine.

Five: I would love to but I have a pen shoved into my arm and I think I'm gonna pass out

Vanya: Sorry

Diego: I'll do it

Five: who's gonna help me with the pen

Klaus: The hospital

Five: okay who's taking me

Klaus: I am

Allison: no your not you'll crash the car

Klaus: then Allison will


	5. Grace's Return

Vanya: mom’s back from her update

Five: Her what

Diego: she had a malfunction and fell down the stairs 

Vanya: Five you were the one that told us she fell

Five: Oh I thought she finally went insane and left

Grace: Nope I was in the house the entire time. So what happened while I was gone

Klaus: I started a cult

Five: How the fuck

Ben: It’s named Destiny’s children

Klaus: They think I’m a prophet and I think they live in our basement

Five: YOU THINK

Klaus: Yeah I haven’t been down there in a while okay

Luther: They do I went down there and I think they were in the middle of a prayer and they stopped and stared at me

Diego: You didn’t think anything of it

Luther: Wouldn’t you

Diego: No dumbass

Vanya: I met someone, her names Sissy

Grace: That’s a wonderful sweetie

Klaus: why couldn’t I have gotten that reaction

Ben: You do understand that your cult is currently living in our fucking basement right.

Klaus: Now that you say it like that I understand. 

Five: I had to go on a killing spree because of a deal I made with the Handler to protect my family just for it to be ruined by my siblings, I’m pretty sure the Ikea Mafia lives in our basement, and Luther his discovered his Daddy issues 

Luther: I can’t disagree It though it did take me a while to admit to myself

Diego: Eudora got a new roommate named Lilia who happened to be the Handlers daughter, The Handler then told Lilia to kill us, the Ikea mafia killed the Handler, and Lilia just disappeared

Five: she’s also one of us

Grace: Where’s Allison

Five: She’s currently in the middle of a custody battle but she’ll be back next week.

Grace:I think I should start to look into some family therapy sessions and yes Five you will be attending. 

Five: FUCK

\------------------------------

Five: Luther and Diego are dumbasses. 

Luther: We are not 

Five: Yes you are 

Vanya: What happened

Five: The swedes wrote Öga for Öga on the dining table in fake blood. dumb and dumber though it meant Olga Foroga, called her, and threatened. It doesn’t make it any better that she was an elderly woman.

Vanya: Yeah that was pretty fucking dumb of you two

Diego: Thanks Vanya

Vanya: you’re welcome


End file.
